There’s a window of time that determines the outlook of a day, the blurry few seconds between checking your morning notifications and getting out of bed to get in the shower. I have no control over how those few seconds will play out, but they are crucial to my well being – whether I’ll have a spring in my step, an anvil on my back, or something in between.

More often than not, I’ve been waking up with a hold on my heart of varying shades of grey. It’s like a cold spiderweb or a rough net that contracts and expands on a whim, it seems, unless I happen to find a spark of joy in the darkness before I open my eyes.

I try very hard not to let this sadness consume me. I can see it, I can recognize and validate its existence, but I ask it, kindly, to let me lead from self-energy today and not cloud my vision with the thunder and lightning that can, very quickly, wreck my sense of purpose and strength.

Sometimes, it says “no.”